Remember the little pieces of paper you have to fill out when entering a certain country on the North-American continent? And the 5 or 6 questions you better answer NO to, cause if there's only one YES among your answers, nobody will be held accountable of what's gonna happen to you or your stuff.
Why am I mentioning this?
Because for some unfathomable reason we happened to check YES for one of the questions.
Do not ask me why, but if we hadn't, I couldn't now tell you about it, could I?
It was the "Did you bring meat or fruit" question. We checked it, I think, because we had left from our travel food in our carry-ons a banana and an apple.
And the costums guy said: "So, what did you bring?"
"I have a banana and an apple" my wife said.
I heard myself add: "And I have a salami."
(Why did I say that? No idea.)
The guy took a red magic marker and wrote APPLE, SALAMI on the paper, gave it to us and told us to give it to next guy after baggage retrieval.
While waiting for our bags we saw a woman with a dog. The dog sniffed the bags of travellers for stuff. Observe: He only got hits from bags sitting on the floor! (He sniffed my wife twice, first time standing, no apple detected, a little later she was sitting on the floor, dog came round again, found the apple.)
When we finally had our bags and showed the paper to the next guy (miles away of course, and now you have to pay 2 bucks for a baggage cart at TORONTO airport - FUCK YOU TORONTO AIRPORT, it is PART OF YOUR JOB to provide CARTS for FREE), he pointed us to a small corridor.
There a third guy confiscated our apple and my salami.
(Asking, talking etc didn't help.)
He didn't put them into a dangerous stuff box or something. He just dumped them in the next garbage can. A perfectly good Hungarian salami. A perfectly good apple.
F U. F ME.
(I bet he took both out after we were gone and ate both himself. The garbage can looked suspiciously clean.)
Then he insisted on x-raying our bags again, as if we had only shown him our apple and salami so they wouldn't find all the other cool stuff we were smuggling. (I should have picked up our salami again from the trash while he was busy with that.)
The he found my German mustard.
"It's mustard" I said.
"Are your sure it's not dairy?"
"Just German mustard."
He wasn't convinced, he actually opened up my mustard and tasted it. When he understood it was no dairy, we were allowed to put it back in the bag and move on.
Later that day I bought two Hungarian salamis in a supermarket.
What do we learn from this?
10 things:
1. Do not be honest.
2. Lie.
3. Don't tell em what's in your bag.
4. If you tell em they will take it.
5. So just lie.
6. Toronto airport service SUCKS MONKEY BALLS.
7. Never answer YES to the questions.
8. Always LIE.
9. Keep your bags elevated from the floor.
10. Just don't tell them.
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2 comments:
What an absurd story. I can’t believe how stupid these folks are. And I’m still confused why he threw away your salami. Is it illegal to import salami? Would it had contaminate the Canadian mainland? Or is there a ban on Hungarian products?
I already see hordes of salami in the Canadian woods, prospering like hell thanks to the lack of natural enemies.
He said: no foreign salami is allowed to enter the country, except US-salami.
no foreign fruit are allowed in the country, except if they don't grow here. that means apples stay out, bananas are ok.
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