Monday, August 30, 2010

Survivor Tale #14

Monday morning the game master took us all to the beach again, then she busied herself with tying some rope to a bunch of trees, winding it around their trunks. This was done in preperation for the next challenge, which worked like this:
The players didn't do this all at the same time, but one after another: They had to "run the rope", follow it through and around the trees. This made it necessary to sometimes climb over or crouch under the rope, and you had to pay close attention not to get stuck, because each runner had to one of his arms attached to the rope with some kind of snap hook. There was also a big wooden picnic table with "built-in" benches involved, under/through which everybody had to climb. The player who ran the course in the shortest time would win immunity.
I think Stephanie did it in 1 minute 18 seconds, J.T. went twice, because his hook broke, he was faster than that, Amber, too. Shambo was the only one to have the hook on her other arm, which gave her a disadvantage, and if I remember correctly she didn't make the 1:18. The fastest one was actually the tallest player, James, he did the course in something like 1 minute 2 seconds and therefore won immunity.
The following tribal council was quick and the result was not unexpected: Shambo had to go.

Back to the cottage, where the next challenge was almost already waiting for the remaining 4 players: It was about Holding Things.


They had to press the handles together to keep the wooden cubes in place, and after certain time intervals they picked up more and more cubes. Whoever lasted the longest, would win.

I think J.T. dropped his cubes first, and a while after that, Stephanie. Amber and James however kept sitting there, arms up, holding their cubes. Anybody who ever tried to hold out their arm in front of them knows how hard it is. Now add to that the weight of the cubes and the lateral force needed to keep them together to get an idea of the perseverance necessary.
Man, it took forever. 15 minutes, 30 minutes. Amber's arms muscles were trembling by now, but her face showed nothing but absolute determination to win this thing. James next to her didn't seemed troubled, though. It looked like a walk in the park for him.
Finally the cubes fell.
James had won another challenge.

Another vote, another one out, but this time it was more complicated:
When the game master counted the votes, it was Stephanie's turn to go. But out of her pocket she pulled the second immunity necklace, so votes for her didn't count. Lucky her. Unlucky Amber.

Three players left, next challenge: Balancing ashtrays on "prolongable" plastic sticks. This time more a dexterity-than-stamina-related game.

James won it.

He had now won 4 or 5 challenges in a row, thus preventing himself from getting voted out. Great accomplishment, and just the way to play this.
Because at this stage a vote didn't make sense (J.T. votes Stephanie, Stephanie votes J.T.), it was James' prerogative to pick the player to accompany him to the final round.
He chose J.T., so this was were the game ended for Stephanie.

Well, the weekend was almost over now, and we all had to catch our boat back to the mainland. It took about 2 hours to take the tents down, clean everything up, pack all the bags and gather all the garbage and transport everything to the wharf, where the boat was already waiting.
After loading everybody jumped aboard.

Only 1 thing remained: We had to determine the winner.
13 previously voted out players now had the chance to vote for their personal favourite, so the game master called everybody one by one to her and had them write down a name on a piece of paper.
So who would I vote for?
After thinking about this for a while I came to the conclusion that I now could either honor the work of a great bullshit artist - or let me put it differently: Wasn't it an awesome achievement to end up in the game's finale without even winning a single challenge? The fun and friendly short dude with the little belly succesfully managed to circumnavigate all dangers and outsmarted and outlasted so many of us. That was definitely worth voting for.
On the other hand there was James, who in the beginning of the game, during the first few challenges, stayed under the radar; still he was always a force to be reckoned with. He chose to play his hand well and consequently started winning challenges only when it became important to do so. This patience and physical power couldn't go unvoted for, could it?

So when it was my turn, I wrote: James.

When everybody had voted, the game-master sat down in the middle and read the names to us.
The great counting began.

1 for James.
1 for J.T..

Another for James.
Another for J.T..

J.T. again.
And James.

James. He had 4 now.
Number 4 for J.T.!

And another for J.T.!
The score was now 5:4 for J.T., and 4 votes left.

Next vote: the equalizer for James.

5:5.

And James again. 6:5.

2 votes to go.
Was the next vote the decider?

The game-master slowly unfolded the piece of paper, looked at it for a moment, then looked at us and said: The winner of this year's Survivor is... James!

His trophy: A beautifully carved wooden immunity idol.
Everybody shook hands with J.T., and everybody congratulated the winner.

And then the boat reached the mainland and docked. The weekend was over.

James won the game.

I also liked his beard.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Survivor Tale #13

They voted me off.
Those backstabbing Purple traitors voted me off.
It made sense to me, but I couldn't believe it.

It should have been Blondie!

I walked away from the circle of players to join those who'd been voted out before, whose fate I now shared. One of the helpers pointed out: You were too strong. They voted you off.
Ah, I said.
Motherfucking purple traitors.

I went to get myself a beer, after that I preferred to sit by myself for a while. Quite disappointing. The game master and her helpers were busy setting up the next task, creating some mysterious wooden structure that reminded me of gallows. It looked like they could use some help by a tall guy. I didn't feel like helping them at all. You can build your gallows yourselves. I looked to the right: My former opponents were all happy and merry.
Yeah you fuckers, there you have it, I thought. The next challenge is gonna be "Hanging By The Neck", and whoever doesn't shit themselves and is still alive at the end wins immunity.
Good luck.

I must confess I was a little bit disappointed, but at that time I also understood an important thing about this game: Always be nice and friendly to everybody, but when it's good for you, don't hesitate to stab them in the back. Twist the knife.

Heureka: Half of the game is about how much of an hypocritical asshole you can be.
Other half: Physical accomplishment. Win challenges, make sure they can't fuck you over.

At least I had made it to the top 7. I felt for those who'd been voted off early. If that had been me... I mean, you don't get to participate in any of the challenges and games. Instead you get to set them up and watch others play. All work, no fun. Sucks.
After half an hour (or a bit longer) I felt better and was able to really smile again.

I went over to the gallows, where the next challenge was about to start.
It wasn't Hanging, it was more like Standing.
Standing on a post under the burning sun, holding up one arm, which is tied to a bucket, which is filled with water. Your arm gets too heavy - you get wet. And you're out.


The game master gave the signal, and for about 10 minutes nothing at all happened. The first to splash himself was J.T., followed by, if I remember correctly, the Orange one. Then Stephanie and James.
15 minutes had passed, the next 15 minutes brought no change. Shambo and Amber just stood there in the heat like they were statues. Maybe a twitch of a muscle here and there. Shambo kept talking to people, Amber had zoned out to somewhere only she knew.
The game master started thinking aloud about making them lift up one of their legs, making them stand on one foot to speed this thing up.
I wanted Shambo to win.
But she didn't. After 37 minutes she had to step down, granting Amber immunity.

The game master called for tribal council immideately, for this had taken longer than expected and there was another challenge to come. An award challenge.

They sat down, voted, and Blondie had to go. Nice how you went with the plan after all, you Purple traitors.

The award challenge was: Surprise: Standing on poles again, this time with their hands (not touching) on their heads, elbows sticking out. That seems easier than it actually is. Last one standing wins an outstanding evening meal and can choose another player to share it with.
Long story short: James won this one, but he gave his prize away to Amber & Shambo (Whooo, everybody started to whisper, wasn't this an awesome strategic move in order to get rid of them so the other 3 could peacefully plan crazy conspiracies? Yes, it very likely was, everybody agreed.)
By sticking with the larger group he probably wanted to prevent them from allying against him.

Back to the cottage! Since this was the last evening, we had to make sure to use up all our liquid supplies. No use in taking full bottles and cans back to the mainland, right?

Party!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Survivor Tale #12

It was time to vote somebody off. But who? The last remaining former Orange person had immunity (as did I), so we former Purple ones couldn't follow the original plan.
Looking back I realize that this was the moment where I should have acted, should have set something in motion. If I had played my cards well from this position of strength, later misfortune might have been avoided.
I suggested to vote off Stephanie to the boys, but they didn't want to do that. They said it'd better to get rid of Sugar first. I agreed. It must have been my high-flying-imminuty-state-of-mind that prevented my alarm bells from going off. Here's what I should have done: Go straight to Shambo and Sugar, ally with them against James or Stephanie, get Blondie to join in, too, and then try to get Amber onboard. The idea might have flashed my mind, but at the time I dismissed it.

There'll be plenty of time to do these things later, I said to myself.
I couldn't have been more wrong.

We sat down in a circle to vote, and without much surprise Sugar had to go. I didn't like it. It didn't feel right. I felt like one of those secondary movie-characters who rat out the hero and then later try to make amends. Only they usually get their ass kicked first.
Byebye awesome Kung-Fu-dude!

The game master gave us some time to rest before calling us to the next challenge. This one, by the way, was my least favourite challenge of the whole weekend. (This is probably because I sucked at it.)
The helpers had painted a big square in the sand. Placed inside were 7 rows of 4 little packages each. Every package consisted of 4 pieces of wood, tied to together with some string, the ends of that tied to loops.
All players received a piece of rope with a metal hook. The task was to use the rope-with-hook to fish for the packages and drag them out of the square. After sucessfully retrieving all 4 of them, the player was allowed to open the packages and sort the wooden pieces (which had letters written on them) into a phrase.
Whoever shouted out the solution first, won the game.

And go! I swung my hook, but the fucker didn't wanna catch the fucking loop. By the time I finally managed to drag my first package home, Amber and Stephanie both had 2 already. I just couldn't figure out the right way to do this in time, I tried throwing the hook, slamming it down, wiggling it; I tried going to far and then pulling it back, but it was all basically useless. Everybody was catching packages all over the place, only mine didn't wanna bite.
Finally I managed to get package number 2, and I was just throwing my rope out again for number 3, when I heard the game-master: Amber has all her packages!
Awesome.
5 seconds later it was all over, Amber had solved the puzzle.
The solution was "Individual Immunity".
How ironic.

An unusual long time elapsed before the next vote took place. I had tiny voices in my head, telling me to do something, but I didn't listen to them. After all it was Orange's turn now, wasn't it? I could trust the boys that far, couldn't I? That big quiet bearded dude James, who gave everybody raspberries every morning. The shorter J.T. with his belly, always so friendly, he wouldn't hurt a fly. No, they were good boys. I wasn't so sure about Stephanie, but then again pretty convinced I had nothing to fear from Shambo. And Amber? That could go either way.
I had another beer and came to the conclusion that I had a decent chance to get lucky this time: Orange girl would be voted off, and then after the next challenge it'd be time for some serious action.

The game master called us over.
It was voting time.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Survivor Tale #11

I don't quite remember what we had for lunch, probably rice mixed with our last can of beans, and canned peaches for dessert. Except Sugar and Shambo of course, they cashed in their mysterious envelope and enjoyed (veggie) burgers and hotdogs and whatnot.
The rest of us, well, how do they say in Germany: A beer is a meal.
Make that 2.

The afternoon then took us back to the Eastern beach, where upon arrival the helpers took the buoys into the water. Aha, the next challenge involved going into the water. I personally wasn't exactly happy about that, because I hadn't brought a swimsuit. Usually I wouldn't think twice about things like that (I'd go in naked), but out of respect for those prude citizens of this country I decided my black underwear would have to do.
However, the challenge: The game master put a bunch of colored wooden bars (each with 5 little holes in them) in the sand, and every player had to pick one. Attached to the buoys in the water was a rope, and attached to that rope where 40 little flags, 5 flags per color. And who would have thought, appearantly these little flags in the water fit exactly into the little holes in the wooden bars. The task was simple: On the signal, run into the water, get a flag of your color, bring it to the beach and stick it into your piece of wood, then run back for the next flag, and so on. The player with all their flags in place first wins the challenge.

Well, that seemed easy enough. All you had to do was be fast. I hurried to pick the right color for me, I wanted a bright and easily recognizable one (without my glasses I am basically blind), which was orange.
Everybody took of their unnessecary clothing and lined up next to their piece of wood. I felt kind of weird in my underwear. Fuck those who succeded in making me self-conscious about being on the beach in underwear! I tried to ignore it. Crazy locals with their cover-thy-knee swim-shorts. How could one ever want this much heavy water-soaked fabric on their body?


The game master asked: Everybody ready?

I put my glasses in my shoes and was ready.
This was the moment where our (Blondie and I - for ?$§%!!'s sake, I seem to be unable to recall her Survivor name) mysterious envelope came into play: A 30 second head start for the both of us!

The game master held up her watch:

Ready!
Set!
Go!

I ran into the waves as fast as I could, Blondie next to me. I tried to jump the waves to minimize the resistance. The flag-rope was about chest-deep, my orange flags were easy to see. I went to the right-most flag first; they were tied to the rope with some kind of string, I pulled the flag off and hurried back. When I reached the beach 30 seconds had passed and the others started dashing forward. This advantage was really worth it! Two steps up the beach, I stuck my flag into the sand and ran back into the water.
I figured with that kind of head start I had a pretty good chance to win this one. If everything went smooth all I had to do was to be faster than Blondie, which seemed entirely possible.

If everything went smooth.

I brought my second flag home quickly, but flag number 3 was kind of stuck on the rope. I couldn't get it off. After trying for a what seemed an eternity but was probably more like 5 seconds I went for the 4th flag instead, which came off easier. Back at the beach I took a moment to wriggle my flags into the piece of wood - which was tricky, too, they barely fit the holes. And back into the water!
Around me everybody was swimming and running and splashing and racing; there was absolutely no way of telling who was in the lead. It was crazy. When I reached flag 3 for some reason it came off pretty fast, easier than expected, I grabbed it and turned to make my way back to the beach. My legs were starting to get heavy though, lifting them up and through or over the waves became harder and harder. I risked a quick look at the other flags when I placed mine in the its hole, it seemed promising, so many flags to count, though, I was probably ahead, but without glasses I couldn't be sure. No time to lose!
As I ran back in Blondie was coming out with her 4th flag, so I was in the lead! Just grab the last flag, Ethan, and you're home free!
But when I got to my flag the fucking thing didn't come off. I pulled, I turned, I pushed the damn thing, it wouldn't budge. Next to me people were arriving empty-handed and departing with flags, and I stood there, losing time, stuck with this motherfucking flag that didn't want to move. The cord that tied the flag to the rope must have tightened or something, I tried undoing the knot, but that was impossible. So I pushed and twisted the flag like crazy, voices in my head screaming: THIS IS TAKING TOO LONG! THINK, GODDAMNED, THINK AND DO SOMETHING!
The flag was slowly moving. In the corner of my eye I registered Blondie reaching her last flag. I still had about 2 or 3 inches to go. TWIST, Ethan, pull that flag out!
Blondie grabbed her flag (Why did her's come off so easily?). 2 inches to go!
Blondie was making her way back to the beach.
This was too much. Fuck you, flag! I had to go all-in, either they'd disqualify me or I'd win this thing. I broke off the last inch of the flag and swim-jumped after Blondie as fast as I could. There she was, just leaving the water. With 1, 2 big strides I was next to her, past her, she dove to the ground, arm stretched out with flag in hand, I threw myself forward, chrashed into the sand and brought my flag down and stuck it onto the board.
A bit to the right Blondie had done the same.

2 seconds passed, and another one.
Who had won? Who was first?

The game master looked at Blondie, looked at me, and finally she said: "I have no choice."

She stood up: "DOUBLE IMMUNITY!"

Blondie and I had both won the challenge.

flags in the sand

Friday, August 13, 2010

Old Man My Ass

I just came back from the movie theatre, and I have seen 1 movie and 3 trailers.

Red
Has Bruce Willis, that is usually enough for me. I'll watch it.

SAW 3D
Is this really necessary?

Takers
Honestly, it looks like it should have gone straight to video.

The movie I've seen was of course The Expendables.
What fun! Didn't need a lot of brain for this, but that was expected, wasn't it? And I totally want to watch it again, just for all the stupid one-liners and all the severed limbs and blood splatter and explosions and knifing and hand-to-hand-combating; and for the awesome scene involving Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Minor annoyances of this film are in my opinion the completely useless guy from Dexter, totally unbelievable, and the sometimes really shaky camera. Story has some holes, too, but who cares?
What did I read somewhere on IMDB?
Think Rambo, but with 5 Rambos and 2 of them know Karate. That sums it up pretty nicely. Plus Rambo (Stallone) is not so annoyingly serious this time. Shoot a guy, crack a joke, blow a building, crack a joke! Get a bit emotional, and... crack a joke!

Way better than A-Team.

Survivor Tale #10

One challenge to go before lunchtime. But first: The vote. Everybody sat down in a circle again, everybody wrote a name on a slip of paper, the game-master counted and said:

"The next person voted off Survivor is Rob!"

So byebye Rob.

We immediately proceeded to the next challenge, which was an auction. We remained sitting in a circle, and the game-master handed 100 pennies to every player. Available for purchase were 6 items: 1 bag of Doritos, 1 pack of chewing gum, 1 pack of chocolate bits and 3 unmarked envelopes. Each of these envelopes, so we were told, contained 1 of the following: an advantage for the next challenge, awesome food for the upcoming lunch, a hint to where the second Immunity Necklace was hidden.

Imagine that, a second Immunity Necklace! A magic token of protection you'd pull out triumphantly if they tried to vote you off! A piece of hand-made jewellery that said: Fuck you, fellow players, I'm staying! What a prize!

First thing auctioned off however was the bag of Doritos. The last remaining orange player, she was sitting right next to me, bought it for 20 cents.
Then the chocolate bits, if I remember correctly James grabbed them for about 35 cents.
Nobody seemed to want the gum, so I finally stepped in and got it for 5 pennies.
And now it became really interesting.

The situation: Better food, the advantage and possible immunity still available, but we had no idea which envelope contained what.

The first envelope went quickly. Somebody offered 100 pennies for it, but Sugar and Shambo instantly teamed up and offered 2 bucks. Nobody could beat that. Nobody formed a quick 3-person-alliance. Their offer was accepted, and both Sugar and Shambo now were out of cash, but had 1 mysterious envelope in their possession.

2 envelopes left. I really really wanted one. I would have taken both of them, but that was impossible. I could still get 1, though, but not by myself. And I had a feeling other people were teaming up, too.
J.T. still had 100 pennies, so did Stephanie right next to him (the both of them sitting to the right of the game master). You could see in Stephanie's eyes how much she wanted that necklace. These two were whispering, they were definitely teaming up.
Sugar and Shambo, sitting to the left of the game-master, were basically out.
And then there was Amber, with all her 100 cents, myself, 95 cents, the orange one, 80 cents, and James, with about 65 cents.
So when envelope #2 became available, James offered his 65 cents, and I offered all my 95 cents, and I think Amber offered 1 dollar.

"1 dollar - One!", the game-master said, "1 dollar - Two!"

I knew if this one sold for only a buck, I would have no chance to get my hands on the third one later. Stephanie and J.T. would grab it. I had to drive up the price for this one right now, so I frantically tried to find someone to team up with me: James? He didn't want to. J.T.? Shook his head.
Okay then, Orange girl? How much have you got left? I couldn't really wait for an answer, so I said: We offer 1 dollar 85!
A slight miscalculation on my part, but it went unnoticed, because J.T. and Stephanie instantly went for it and bought envelope #2 for 200 pennies.

That was good. Orange and I then teamed up for envelope #3, and since nobody could beat our 1.75 dollars, it was sold to us.
I was very happy with this result. Doritos, gum and 1 envelope between 2 players. Very good.

It turned out that Sugar and Shambo had grabbed the better-food envelope, and when Orange girl and I opened ours, we discovered a 30-second head start for the next challenge.

That meant that Stephanie and J.T. had a shot at the second Immunity Necklace.

Again, I should have seen it. The signs were all there. The boys had told me repeatedly that Stephanie meant danger. She had to be voted out soon, I thought. Right after Orange. And then, as I ventured further down the strategic path in my mind, we'd have to find a way to get one of those boys out of the game... they were too strong together. But first things first.

Lunchtime.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Lifetime I Will Never Lose

Why not?
Because I have already seen the trailer.

The Town
You know what they say in the trailer? From acclaimed director of Gone Baby Gone (one of the most boring movies I ever walked out of). Luckily that won't happen with The Town, because after seeing the trailer I have basically seen the whole thing.
Too bad. I like bank robbery movies.

Tron Legacy
Can you be more boring? Can the main hero be more insignificant?
Okay, I guess Tron is something for Tron-Enthusiasts, which I am clearly not, but if that trailer was supposed to win new fans or make my mouth water, it failed miserably. Who wants to see another lame CGI festival? Good guy VS bad guy with weirdo disc-weapons. And what's with the Eighties-glow-stripes? I sure won't go see this one.

The Social Network
I must confess I find the trailer somewhat interesting, but that may be because I like a) Radiohead, and b) a certain Belgian girl choir. It is therefore understandable that any motion picture trailer with a girl choir version of Creep playing in the background will grab my attention. So I guess I might check this one out.

The American
George Clooney in some kind of professional killer movie? With a trailer that doesn't really tell me anything? I'm sold. I'm so gonna go and watch this. No questions asked.

The Green Hornet
Seth Rogen. Well. Superhero movie, standard Hollywood. Well.
Then again, it has Cameron Diaz. Can't really think of a reason not to watch it.

Legendary
Yawn.

Devil
From the mind of M. Night Shamalyan or whatever his name is? Set in an elevator? Sounds like a bad version of Drag Me To Hell. No thanks.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Well, the trailer looks interesting. If I only was a fan of the original Wall Street. I guess it's checkout-able.

Scott Pilgrim Against The World
Probably not as funny as expected, but I can't really miss a movie in which a character picks up an extra-life just like that. Gonna see this one.

Man, I have seen a lot of trailers lately.

Lifetime I Will Never Get Back

I'm going to the movies a lot.
Saw "Inception", which is actually as good as they say. If you like layered dreaming, that is. Which I do. The film is a bit confusing at the beginning, but once you get it, it's just great to see how it all comes together. Nice work, Mr. Nolan.
The music, by the way, is awesome. Great work, Hans. Wonderful soundtrack.

Then, for absence of a better choice, I went and watched "The Other Guys". This movie is a lot like "Cop Out", only funny. This of course doesn't make it a good movie, but at least it is funny here and there. Not like "Cop Out", which utterly sucks.
Sometimes I think they don't make good movies anymore. Remember those buddy-movies from the eighties and nineties? Which were funny, but not stupid, and had action, not CGI, and had a story, which was believable? Like for example Lethal Weapon, let's say, 3, or maybe Rush Hour 1? Or Die Hard With A Vengeance? 48 Hours?
Well, "The Other Guys" is at least watchable. It has it's moments.

Today I'm gonna go again, and I think I'll watch "Salt" again. Yes, I have seen it before. But I liked it. And I don't wanna see anything else now playing.

And tomorrow, tomorrow I'll definitely go and watch "The Expendables". Whoohoo!

Survivor Tale #9

Some of the helpers told me to be careful. If I appeared to be too strong, if I won to many challenges, I'd make myself a target. They'd vote me off the game.
Well, not this time. This time I had the Immunity-Necklace.
(I'll post pictures as soon as I get them.)

So when tribal-council started after the counting-challenge I didn't need to worry about a thing, nobody could vote for me. Besides, internal player-conspiracy had already determined who was to be considered dangerous and therefore voted off: Parvati.
And that's what happened: Parvati had to go.

Time for some gun-play! Nine players left in the game, nine target-posts on the beach. Each post has 3 little tiles attached to them, after all 3 tiles have been shot off your post, you're out. The player with most intact tiles on his post in the end wins.
The twist: You could only shoot the gun after answering the trivia questions right. Every player received a bunch of yes/no cards. The game-master asked a question (like for example: "On this island, you're allowed to light fires at the beach. True? False?"), then each player would show their card. Everybody with the right answer could shoot once at a tile/post of their choice.

the shooting challenge - note the selfmade-from-t-shirt-leftovers handbag hanging on the stick

The gun was a pellet gun. When the shooting started, eveybody aimed at Rob's tiles first, except Rob, who aimed at mine. The great big player conspiracy had already decided that Rob (the last dude from Orange) was some dangerous motherfucker and had to go. So we had to make sure he didn't win this challenge.
And he didn't, he was out first. I was out second. I should have paid attention to what was going on right then, but I didn't. Why be concerned? The old purple team had agreed after all: vote out the orange leftovers, then deal with ourselves. Still two Orange to go, no need to worry.
It's nice how people believe what they want to believe.

At some point during the shooting challenge the wind picked up a bit, so the remaining players exchanged the gun for rocks, and instead of shooting the tiles off the posts, they just smashed them down with rocks. The last one standing was James, so I had to hand the Immunity Necklace to him.

Time to vote.

Survivor Tale #8

First thing sunday morning: Get coffee. So I grabbed my mug and got some hot black coffee from the kitchen, and I drank it, and I went and got more, because as far as I knew I had a bottomless cup deal; so I also gave coffee to the others. James had gathered some wild raspberries again (like the day before), very delicious.
After the real breakfast (rice with canned beans - let's not talk about it) we were off to the eastern beach, to see the first challenge of the day.

The day promised to be eventful, judging from all the stuff and equipment the game-master and her helpers were loading onto the 4-wheeler. All kinds of posts and buoys and stuff. Also a gun.

At the beach the helpers set up 5 stations, numbered 1 to 5. Each station was a big plastic plate filled with a certain amount of pieces of beachglass, rocks, and shells. The challenge worked like this: Each of the ten remaining players received a piece of paper, but no pencil. On the go signal we were to run to a station of our choice, count everything on the plate, run back to the game-master's helper, grab a pencil, write the numbers on the paper, give the pencil back, run to next station, repeat. With five sets of numbers on the paper we'd run to the game-master, she'd check if we had counted correctly. The first player with the correct set of numbers wins the challenge.

Boah, what a shit challenge! Again you had to focus like a motherfucker, and above all: stay calm. No use in running back and re-count stations, is there? On the go signal a wild bunch of crazy chickens playing a game of Survivor spread out in all directions and started counting like accountants. Soon there were line-ups at the pencil-guy. Wheee!
When I came to my second station I discovered they were not in the correct order. What I thought of as station 3 was actually station 1. Great. Nothing better than to add a bunch of crazy arrows to the scribbled numbers.
I tried to stay calm and focused, finished my counting as quick as I could (dodging other players), and handed my paper (which now had 15 numbers on it) to the game-master. She looked at it - I stood there - she kept looking at it - I stood there (my mind strangely empty, except for the constant: Let it be right! Let it be right!) - she said: No!
And off I went again. Problem was, I had no idea which number wasn't correct. I decided to systematically recount all stations, starting at the left-most one (no other player there at that moment). I recounted, and of course: my new count didn't match my old count.
Back to the game-master.
Let it be right, let it be right!
No!

Next station. Recount. Numbers seemed correct. Next station. Recount. Rewrite numbers.
Game-master.
Let it be right!
No!

Off again. I recounted the remaining stations. Other players were sitting in the light, moving shit around on the plates for their counting. Don't get confused, man!

Game-master's verdict: No!
Arrgh!

I counted again. By now I had counted everything twice. It had to be right!
Game-master said: No!
Fuck you!

Off again. Re-count. Numbers I had corrected before, I re-corrected back now.
Line-up at pencil-guy. Line-up at game-master.
Game-master: No! Helper: A very interesting "no".
What's that supposed to mean?

Another count! Fucking beachglass sometimes looked like rocks. Fucking shells sometimes were hiding under shells! So did fucking rocks!
Run back - grab pencil, scribble numbers.
Game-master: No!
Helper: Like before!
What?

Just stay focused, man. I counted again. By now I was sure my count was correct. This time it had to be right. It had to be.
Line-up at the game-master again. I had to wait.

Actually, I didn't know about the right count anymore. After all this re-counting and re-checking and re-writing everything seemed to be possible. By now, I thought, it was just a question of getting lucky.
My turn. She checked. And checked.

"Uhm, I didn't mean the fuck you earlier."

Game-master: I know.

"Ethan wins the challenge!"

Phew. I won the challenge. I didn't even wanna know if I had counted right. I hoped they wouldn't re-check.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

German Restaurant

There's this thing about international restaurants. They are never authentic. Heavily influenced by the country they are located in*. How do I know that?
Because I just came back from probably the most terrible German restaurant on the North-American continent. It featured everything you need to make the locals believe it's German:

- rude SS-waitresses (awesome job doing the Nazi-attitude)
- Bavarian trumpet-music in the background

On one single plate for one person:
- 1 Bockwurst disguised as 1 Bratwurst
- gravy to the horizon
- 1 ham steak disguised as Kasseler
- flavourless Spätzle drowned in aforementioned gravy
- 2 pretty decent slices of pork roast (drowned in gravy)
- 2 Knödel drowned in aforementioned gravy
- Sauerkraut
and
- a "German" salad (lettuce, tomato, cucumber, carrot, a bit of potato salad; all of it swimming in tomato sauce)

I'm out of words.

The menue boasted 10 different German draughts, in reality there were only 5 and their variations (dark, light). They offered a thousand types of Schnitzel, but no Hamburger Schnitzel and no Wiener Schnitzel, instead their Schnitzel came topped with either tomato sauce (sooo German) or Swiss cheese.
The whole place seemed to cry constantly: "If I only was a chain-restaurant! If I only was a chain restaurant!"

I will never go there again. Never. Ever**. In my life.

*I remember this "Italian" restaurant run by a bunch of Germans back where I come from. Not 1 Italian thing in the place except the pictures of Naples. The menue features German versions of Italian dishes. People love it.

**Except maybe to have a beer. The beer was good (compared to what else is available). Warsteiner.

Survivor Tale #7

At some point during saturday I was first approached by some of my fellow players to plot against other fellow players and to form certain alliances. Later, when everybody was expecting the Merge of the teams, I was approached again, in a cautious "think-about-it"-way.
Very interesting.

The Merge happened saturday evening around dinner time. The game master handed out new nice olive-coloured t-shirts and cool black hats to the remaining 10 players (the girls immediately started ripping, uh, modifying their shirts again - it broke my heart). From now on everybody was playing for themselves - no more team work.

The remaining players (using their "Survior names"):
From Purple Team:
James, J.T. , Stephanie, Amber, Sugar, Shambo, Ethan (me).
From Orange Team:
A dude (Rob?) and two blondes (Parvati and ??).

The boys (James & J.T.) had talked to me early on, just to make sure that in case of a purple-vote-off I'd vote one of the girls (Stephanie, Amber) out. I was okay with that, one of them seemed especially dangerous. Therefore I was a bit hesitant later, when one of the girls came to me talking about alliances. I kept my answers vague.
With the Merge looming ahead though, the boys as well as the girls repeatedly spoke of voting the former orange people off one by one in the upcoming challenges. Then later, when we'd be down to pure Purple again, we'd deal with ourselves.
I was fine with that (must be some deeply buried German gene of segregation), and I relayed the information to Shambo. Sugar didn't seem to be interested at all in forming any alliances or voting anybody off - conspiracy communication didn't work well with him.

But we didn't get a chance to vote anybody off that evening, because there was only one challenge left to play that day: The memory-challenge. This one was played for an award, the prize was access to hot coffee, a toothbrush and a shower in the morning.
The challenge works like this: 42 tiles are arranged face down on the ground. Each player can turn over 2 tiles while it is his turn. Every match scores 1 point. The twist: it is not just about matching the symbols, it's about matching the symbol-halfs, because every symbol is not only cut in half, but also depicted twice. Therefore it can happen that two halfs of the same symbol don't match.
The first player to score 4 points wins.

for a hot shower and a cup of coffee

This one was hard, and probably because of the sudden no-team-work-anymore I also found it a bit nerve-racking. I just tried to stay focused and to remember the symbols the others turned over. Especially Shambo and Parvati were pretty good at this game. They both scored multiple points before I even had my first.
At some point I realized I knew two matching tiles everybody else seemed to have missed. Nobody ever turned them over. Neither did I, I just tried to keep them in the back of my head. I went for the obvious ones instead, the near misses of players just before me.
At some point I had scored 3 times already, so had Parvati, Shambo and a couple of other players.
The little yellow thingy on the game field helped me a lot. I kept repeating in my head: 2 over and 1 up from the yellow thing, 2 over and 1 up from the yellow thing...
And when it was my turn again I turned it over and walked to the tile I believed was the match.
It was.

The game-master said: "Ethan wins the challenge!"

Nice! Coffee for me! I didn't want the shower (With the weekend only halfway over, what's the point of getting clean? I'd just get dirty again. Besides, there was always the ocean.) I gave the shower to Parvati.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Survivor Tale #6

Did I mention what kind of people were playing this game? I mean: Profession-wise. We had dentists, psychologists, nurses, designers, woodworkers, fishermen, supermarket-employees, fabric-factory-people, housewifes et cetera. All kinds of people! And that's just what they did for a living, imagine their hobbies, imagine the impact on the game!
For example: One player had a roller-derby-background. Those roller-derby-ists have some strange codex about their clothing, they alter it. And clothes-alterations, especially among females, are often contagious:

normal t-shirts become shoulderless short-shirts, sleeves become almost-hot-pants or headbands, v-necks appear out of nowhere... anything is possible

What I didn't mention for sure is the disgusting-food-challenge. I must have pushed it from my memory, an act of subconscious erasure.
This one took place on saturday, right after lunch. Did you hear what I said? Right after lunch. When everybody was full of delicious food. Well, when Purple Team was full of delicious food, because one of those morning challenges had been an award challenge, the award was a pizza for lunch (as opposed to sardines out of cans for team Orange). So I guess orange team had a slight advantage on this one.

The disgusting-food-challenge went like this: 2 players, 1 of each team, go to the counter and find there 2 portions of a disgusting food. At the signal they start eating it, whoever has eaten it all first and goes AAAHHHHH empty-mouthed scores a point. Each team sends in the next player, and so on. Whoever team scores 5 points first, wins the challenge.

I really didn't wanna do this. I hate disgusting food. The idea alone is enough to make me barf. I was basically sick from anticipation even before it really started. Purple team assigned numbers to its players, and I was number 6 - meaning that I would be sixth person who has to eat something really icky. I instantly noticed that there was an off-chance of roughly 0.000001 percent or so that I wouldn't have to play - in the event that all 5 players before me score a point.
I liked that idea. I held on to it, mentally. It helped me breathe.

Our first player to go was a vegetarian. Orange's wasn't. Rumour had it that she was more like a gourmet of disgusting food, enjoying it voluntarily all the time. From a purple perspective: Not exactly what you'd call nice prospects.
So they went to the counter, and the first disgusting dish was heart. Cooked, thank god.
It didn't look too disgusting, just like a piece of meat. Then the signal - both players grabbed their chunk of heart and bit off a piece and started chewing and chewing and chewing... and purple player took another bite... chewing, chewing, Orange still chewing, second bite orange, third bite Purple, chewing, chewing, chewing... AAAAHHHH!
What the fuck? The vegetarian has eaten the heart faster than the meat-gourmet? Extraordinary! 1 point for Purple Team!
Awesome. Great job. Who would have thought? I am still amazed.

Next players to the counter!
I am sorry, but I seem unable to remember the exact order or even the kinds of disgusting foods served from this point on. My soul may be too pure for things like this. All I know is that there was some kind of pickled pig-brain, some kind of see-food or fishy goo, and liver. There was a lot of chewing involved with the liver, which for some reason seemed to be very dry. Our Asian Kung-Fu-Dude had to practically dance down his piece of liver, or dance-power his saliva production, and that was exactly what he did. Orange never had a chance.
Long story short: Purple team scored 5 points in a row, which not only won the challenge, it also allowed me to sit this one out. Phew. Thank you, Purple Team.

To correct myself: I believe that this challenge actually lead to Orange-voting-one-off, while one of the previously described activities just won us a pizza. The result however, was the same: By saturday evening Orange had been defeated (down to 3 players), Purple was still at 7.

And then came the Merge.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Survivor Tale #5

I hope former team Orange doesn't hate me because of constantly mentioning their losing streak... which by the way continued nicely over the course of last saturday's afternoon.

If I remember correctly we did three things at the eastern beach that day: the blindfolded puzzling, the throwing and the bucket-ing.

The game-master had prepared 2x16 tiles (half orange, half purple), which were scattered all over the beach by his helpers. The goal was to collect all the tiles, turn them around - they were actually puzzle-pieces - and solve the puzzle. Each team had 5 collectors.
The twist: The collectors were blindfolded. They could move, but they couldn't see.
That's where the caller came in: 1 person of each team had to remain stationary, but could direct and "steer" the blindfolded ones to the right spots. By shouting.

On Team Purple the caller was me.

I would scream the persons name and then add words from a pool of commands: Go forward/backward! Turn left/right! PICK UP THE TILE! (that was my favourite)
It didn't help that I still had not memorized the names properly. So there's me yelling like a madman: ROB! ROB! TURN RIGHT! But the guy just keeps standing there, grinning stupidly. WHAT THE FUCK! ROB! TURN FUCKING RIGHT!
From somewhere I heard: "His name is Dave." So I went: DAVE! TURN THE FUCK RIGHT! MOVE FORWARD! STOP! PICK UP THE TILE!
That worked better; he went, and fell to his knees, combing the sand in front of him with his fingers until he found the wooden puzzle piece. It was very hectic, with purple and orange people all over the place. Imagine 10 persons running about like crazy chickens while two dictators scream random commands. RUN FORWARD! KEEP RUNNING! STOP! PICK UP THE TILE!
Behind me the spectators (helpers and voted-off ones) were making fun of me because of my accent. Nazi-joke time. They were waiting for "SCHNELL! SCHNELL!", or so they told me afterwards. But I didn't notice any of that, I was busy controlling my blindfolded team members. I didn't even follow the progress of team orange, there was no time for that.
It was also my job to keep an eye out on everybody for safety, and prevent them from colliding with each other. I didn't really succeed in that part, though. Didn't seem too important to me at the time. All I wanted was to have all the tiles in a nice neat pile at my feet.
Whenever somebody had picked up the tile, they would just run back to me, guided by me voice. When we had all 16 pieces we launched ourselves at them like hungry wolves at a bunch of goats. Everybody ripped off their blindfolds, moved tiles back and forth until the image made sense: It was the Survivor Logo.
Then we heard the game-master's voice: "Purple Team wins!"

By a hair, or so Orange told us later. A likely story.

puzzle pieces

10 minutes later the team Orange-you-sorry-that-you're-orange gathered in a half circle around the game-master for "tribal council": they had to vote one off.

The throwing was all about... yes, throwing. Each team had 6 poles with bottle-shaped targets on top of them, the goal of the challenge was to hit the bottles off the poles with tied-together tennis balls. The whole thing turn based: 2 purple players throw, then 2 orange players throw, and so on. In the beginning there were also keepers involved, but after 20 minutes of endless throwing and hardly any hitting the keepers were outcommissioned. They were keeping too well.
It took another 20 minutes to hit all of Orange's targets, and once again they had to vote one person off their team.

throwing and catching

So they were down to 4 for the bucket challenge, which went like this: 4 players of each team got small buckets. They lined up in two rows: the first player in the water, the next player 3 meters up the beach, player 3 another 3 meters further away, and yet another 3 meters further the fourth player, who also had a big empty bucket sitting next to him in the sand.
The challenge: Player 1 fills his bucket with water, then throws the water (not the bucket) to player 2, who catches it with his bucket, and throws it to 3, who throws it to 4, who empties it into the big bucket. Whoever team's big bucket flows over first, wins.
A guarantee to get wet.
Luckily Purple Team had Sugar, the super-Kung-Fu-dude from Asia. He was not only in an extraordinary physical shape, he also worked some kind of awesome Kung-Fu magic with the water - he seemed to be able to control it. It shaped and bended after his will, out of the bucket and into another bucket in long perfect arches, hardly ever spilling one single drop. The other 3 Purples quickly mimicked this, to the effect of relatively quickly filling the big bucket. And while Orange was still drenching themselves in ocean water and tears over their two inch bucket-water-level, Purple's bucket flowed over.
Another win for us, another one to vote off for them.

Final count: 7 to 3.

Survivor Tale #4

No tents for survivors - we had to build our own shelters. Did you know that by taking rope apart 10 feet can easily be turned into 30 feet? We did that a lot. After trying to construct a shelter between some trees (with questionable results) we decided to start over: On a tree-free patch covered with soft grass. We put up 2 ropes all the way across the clearing, tied a roof-tarp to them, hung 4 wall tarps from them, put a floor tarp under them, et voilá: Done was our new roomy and nicely box-shaped tarp-tent.
At the same time 2 of our team went about 50 meters further into the woods to built a latrine: Basically a tarp for sight cover around a hole in the ground, but when it was finished it came complete with toilet paper, flash light, in-use-indicator and magic markers for writing on the walls.
The judges were impressed, we deservedly won "best shelter" - another fuck-up for Team Orange (they had a latrine with an actual seat though: A for effort - they tried really hard). This was friday night, by then they couldn't yet know they'd better get used to being second.

Saturday noon: We had canned pasta with rice for lunch. Let's not talk about it.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Survivor Tale #3

We were 7 people on Purple Team, and 8 on Orange. Remembering all their names wasn't easy, given that everybody had 2: their real name and their survivor name, borrowed from the tv show. So to our mastermind of games and architect in charge we referred to as Jeff Probst. I had picked my game name from a list on wikipedia: Ethan (I like Mission Impossible).

Saturday Morning brought us 3 challenges at the northern beach:

Challenge #4 was about 3 team members digging 3 boxes out of the sand and finding numbers in them. A 4th team member then had to use those numbers to open the lock on a chest, which contained a diagram of symbols, to be memorized by team member 5, who then had to reconstruct the sequence ten feet further down the beach.
We clearly won this one.

Challenge #3 was about 1 team member retrieving little flags that were tied to a buoy in the water. After getting all the flags the whole team had to stand on a 1 square foot platform: An act of balance. I don't know how we did it, but we won.

Challenge #2 took place on the beach as well as on the way there. Both teams had to find hidden packages in the woods, then take them to the beach, open them, and from the wooden letters inside reconstruct a phrase. Personally, I don't think Purple Team was made for finding things in the woods, which might be why we sucked at it. Orange (most likely on some kind of sardine-rush or rice-rage) found their packages faster, they made it to the beach quicker, and they also shouted out the phrase before we did. So Purple Team lost this one, possibly because of all the eggs and bacon and coffee in our well-filled bellies.

So we had to vote one off our team. No big deal though, to make things even (8 against 8 instead of 7 against 8) Jeff had loaned us one of the helpers as a temporary 8th team member just before the challenge. This helper had to go now.

So by noon saturday Orange had voted off 2 and was down to 6 persons, while Purple still had their original 7.

Once I get some pictures of this, I'll post them.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Book Burner

We bought this book yesterday. Didn't really want to, but then couldn't resist. In a store downtown, off the shelf. 25 bucks. It's the english translation, but I guess it'll still get you arrested in good old Germany.

Survivor Tale #2

By saturday afternoon I looked like this:


That was when Team Purple - by winning all but one challenge so far - had practically wiped out Orange. They were some hard-to-beat motherfuckers, let me tell you that. We had everything from close call to photo-finish, and it started the moment we set foot on the island.

The 1st challenge:
A scavenger hunt. Three persons of each team had to make their way from the wharf to the cottage, as fast as possible. That's maybe a 3 or 4 kilometer run. They also had to find a number of certain items like beach glass or pine cones. First team to reach the cottage with all 3 players wins the challenge. Each missing item equals a 3-minute time penalty.
The twist: One item involved a detour. We were supposed to rub off an engraving from a tombstone, like Indiana Jones did with the shield of the second brother. The graveyard we had to go to is about 500 meters into the woods, but we didn't know that then. More than half the players were completely unfamiliar with the islands layout.
The question we didn't ask ourselves was: Is the detour worth 3 minutes, shouldn't we just skip it?

By the way, this was a reward challenge. The winning team would get a proper breakfast next morning, coffee, eggs, bacon, while the other team would have to cook up their rations. Rice. Sardines out of cans. No coffee. Fuck that.

Our team picked two other guys and me to do this. So we decided that they would collect all the beach glass, shells and leafs, while I would run ahead to the cemetary, get that picture off that gravestone and grab a couple of pine cones.
Let me tell you that 3 or 4 kilometers can be a looong distance, especially if you haven't been running for a while and if you don't know where the fuck you're going. I was running in constant fear of missing the turn-off to the cemetary.
After a while I realized I was in the lead, with 2 orange persons about 50 and 100 meters back. So far, so good. I kept scanning the road for the turn-off (the instructions echoing in my head: it can be hard to see, so don't miss it, don't miss it...) I knew the orange ones didn't have that problem, they would just do what I was doing. But then I had a different idea: What if they didn't? What if they just skipped the fucking graveyard completely, betting on the fact that it most likely will take longer than 3 minutes to get that done?
When I looked back one of the orange ones was gone. What the fuck? Did I miss the turn? Two kids on bike were coming my way, I yelled: "Graveyard? Where's the graveyard?"
Down the road, they said, waaaaay down the road. I kept running for what seemed an eternity, still no sign of a cemetary. Still I had orange ones relatively close behind me, but also my fellow purple ones were catching up. A woman sitting in front of a cottage beside the road reassured me that the turn-off was coming up on the left. I had almost reached it when one of my purple comrades caught up with me. Man, that guy was in shape!
"Should we skip the cemetary?" I asked him. "Is it worth three minutes? They will skip it, I'm sure!"
He didn't make the decision for me. I had to make it myself. I had a feeling it was wrong to go there. We were in the lead, considerably so, all we had to do was run to the cottage. Decide, Brato, decide! Run to the cottage!
But it was about rubbing off an image from a gravestone! Like Indiana Jones! That's Indy, you hear me? Plus I still had to get those pine cones...

And so I ran into the woods. The path was straight, I grabbed some pine cones. Nobody was following me. Run back while you can! I kept going. Still no-one behind me. If Orange was to go here, I would've seen them by now. They were skipping it. I couldn't even see the cemetary yet. I was fucked. Fuck you Indiana Jones, hero of my childhood, fucker-upper of the first challenge! No coffee, no bacon, no eggs for Purple Team tomorrow morning because of you!

At last I got to the graveyard. Just a patch of grass with gravestones neatly alligned. I scanned them frantically, found that engraved thistle about halfway in, rubbed it off (it really works!), and ran back as fast as I could. When I got back to the road I was spent, completely out of breath, and completely alone.

I had gone from leader to last one. Nobody behind me, but up ahead in the distance I could see 2 orange specks. Was this a 3-minute-distance? I had to believe it. I could still make it. I ran after them. What else could I do?

After a while my legs felt like rubber. And it didn't exactly add to my good spirits that I seemed to be unable to close the gap. I wasn't faster than Orange. When they disappeared behind a bend in the road, I saw a purple person appear. New hope! It couldn't be far now! He was obviously waiting for me at the cottage! We could still make it!
When I reached him it turned out that the cottage was still way off (I could see orange in the distance), and that he was just as exhausted as I was.
"We have to make it inside 3 minutes!" I panted.
He (not the comrade from earlier, the other one) agreed.
We had to walk, but we kept going.

Far away I saw Orange turning off the road. They were at the cottage now.
We kept going.
A local dude with on an ATV passed us by, we tried to flag him down, make him give us a ride - it didn't happen.
We ran on.

Then we reached the cottage, stumbled up the driveway, collapsed on the lawn.
An erruption of shouting and yelling around us:
"Touch the deck! Touch the deck!"

One last effort: We touched the deck.
Then the voice of the game-master: "2 minutes, 52 seconds! Purple Team wins by 8 seconds!"

One of my favourite challenges was over.
Thank you, game-master.
Thank you, Indiana Jones.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Survivor Tale #1

The people in this country sure know how to relax and to party. It was one of the most crazy and fun weekends of my life, yet at the same time it was the most responsible partying I have ever seen. No injuries, no booze-stealing, no vandalism, no screaming in the neighbourhood at 4 AM, not even barfing. Where grown-ups in my home-country always seem to party either somewhat stiffly or completely out of bounds, as if they either had something else on their mind still or shut it off completely, the people here just... yes, relax. I like that.

So we went over there armed (each) with 10 feet of rope, a tarp, a fork & a bowl, bugspray and lots of beer last friday to play the game survivor.
For all of you who do not know how the game works: A bunch of players (in this case 15), some helpers (3) and one mastermind-in-charge go to an obscure island off the coast. The players are divided into two teams, and over the course of a weekend have to compete in challenges against each other. Everytime a team doesn't win, they vote one person off their team. Eventually the number of people in the teams will reach a certain low, that is when the teams are merged into one. From this moment on everybody plays for themselves, yet still after every challenge a person gets voted off. Therefore it becomes very important to make alliances with other players to prevent oneself from being voted out. In the end, when only two players are left, everybody perviously voted out gets to vote for one of them. Whoever ends up with more votes wins the game.

We were divided into teams while still on the boat by the method of handing out t-shirts - I became a member of Team Purple, later renamed to Purple Haze. Team Orange by the way decided to name themselves Orange-you-glad-you're-not-purple, but not before the first challenge was over, which started right when we got to the island, on the wharf.
The very last part of the game took place on the boatride back on monday afternoon, so during saturday and sunday we were kept busy with building our own shelters and latrines, cooking our rations, doing challenges, drinking beer and smoking cigarettes.
One night some crazy local guy on a three-wheeled ATV showed up, talking rapidly in a language I couldn't understand (some local slang I suppose, or influence of beer?). He brought with him his 19-year old girlfriend, one very small dog (the kind you think it's a furry slipper until you step on it and it barks) and three live lobsters, which he in turn let dangle clipped to his fingers. I decided it was time for another beer when the guy repeatedly clipped a live lobster to his nipple, laughing manically, speedtalking his slang.

crazy local guy and his dog

Monday, August 2, 2010

Back Again

We're officially back from the island. The dog welcomed us heartily, he also instantly sniffed out of my pants the following flavours (among others and definitely not in this order):

-ocean water/salt
-beach sand
-mustard, ketchup, relish, burger, hot dog, coffee, beer and other foods and beverages
-more beer
-crayon (black/dark blue)
-copious amounts of poisonous bug spray
-urine
-morning dew
-blood
-cigarette smoke
-sweat
-saliva from both myself and other dogs
-sunshine
-diesel fuel

My first priority now is to take a shower and put fresh clothes on, I will tell the whole island story later; hopefully I will also get my hands on some pictures.