Seasoning the Dutch Oven in 22 Easy Steps

1. Wash it with soap and dry well. (done)
2. Take a fuckload of aluminium foil and create a catch-all to put into the lowest possible position in your oven. (done)
3. Put it there. (done)
4. Turn on oven to preheat to 350. (done)
5. Completely grease your cast iron pot with Crisco or similar stuff, rub it into every nook and cranny, don't forget the lid. (done)
6. Place pot and lid upside down into preheated oven. (done)
7. Keep it there for an hour. (done)
8. Suffer the smoke. (suffering)
9. Open windows. (impossible, frozen shut)
10. Open backdoor. (done)
11. Beware of dogs coming inside. (bewaring)
12. Freeze your ass off. (freezing)
13. Hope time will pass by faster. (hoping)
14. Experience constant fear the smoke alarm will go off. (experiencing)
15. Turn off oven. (in 30 minutes)
16. Allow pot to cool. (will do)
17. Hope the catch-all caught it all. (hoping)
18. Wipe off Crisco remains with paper towel. (not yet)
19. Get rid of catch-all and caught Crisco. (later)
20. Shut the fucking backdoor. (does the pope shit in the woods?)
21. Enjoy seasoned pot. (sure)
22. Wonder why it takes so long for the smoke to clear out, open backdoor again. (hope not)