A Tree Is A Tree Is A Tree Is A Tree

It's minus 24 outside.
So I put on my awesome Canada Goose Constable Parka (TM), and my awesome Canada Goose Gloves (TM) and my awesome Winter Boots (Which are winter-proof until minus 60 degrees... or was it minus 40 and I paid 60 bucks for them? In any case, my feet are very toasty in them.) and I put on under my Jeans my German Army Olive-Green Long Johns(TM?). Dressed like that and armed with a bag full of packages I walked to the post office.
Very pleasant walk, actually. Sun in my face, no wind, a little bright perhaps... 30 minutes later the bag was empty, my wallet considerably lighter and all the packages were on their way. I walked back.
This time I had the sun behind me. That simple fact caused a massive drop in face-temperature. It felt like my face was freezing off, and exposed to the cold were only my eyes, nose, cheeks and a bit of forehead. Whoo. The rest of me was warm and toasty, though.
So toasty, that the moment you go inside you MUST instantly rip away all that clothing because if you don't you will SUFFOCATE from the terrible HEAT that is trapped around your body.

In front of the store I found some little boy with a bicycle. The chain was off. Boy was sad and whiny. So I said: Hey! Need a hand? and I put the chain back on. While I was busy doing that, some dog decided to jump me from behind? WTF? Hey kid, I said, can you make that dog go away? And the kid did. (I didn't even use swear words.) One minute later the chain was back on, I said: There you go! Kid said: Nothing (not even Thank you.).
I bought a bagful of groceries, took 'em home (face-freeze again), went in, tore the parka off, assembled the No-Name Christmas Tree Stand(TM), put the parka back on and walked back to the store. There I was led into a giant shed where in the very back they have a stash of real Christmas trees. (Before that, in the store: Me: I wanna buy a Christmas Tree. Clerk: Yeah, just take one, they're over there. I: A real one. Clerk: Oh. (uses intercom) Clerk (amplified from everywhere): Costumer Service please for a REAL Christmas tree!)
The trees were all bound and wrapped, looked all the same and I decided that one's as good the next one. I picked one, shouldered it (like Arnie does with a log at the beginning of Commando) and carried it home. (There are certain activities that make me feel good. Carrying a tree on my shoulder is one of them. Wearing white undershirts is another. Like Bruce Willis in Die Hard.)

And now the tree is standing in the living room looking tall and slim like a giant green carrot, because even after removing the wrapping the branches don't immediately come down, because the whole tree is frozen. So we will wait and let gravity do her job.
Nice tree. It goes all the way up to the ceiling.

PS: Yesterday we also walked to the store. And there we bought, unbelievable: A Dutch Oven. A cast iron pot. With a lid. Apparently they're hard to come by. Who would have thought we'd find one in one of two stores in BFNW.