Carpet Spikes

Today at work a fellow co-worker woman came into the marking room and asked: "Do you have carpet spikes?"

"Excuse me?" I said.

"Do you have carpet spikes?"

Carpet spikes? My instincts told me I was misunderstanding her, my brain frantically went through all possible combinations of words and things that would match her inquiry. Yes, carpet spikes, aren't those these spiky things you use to hold your carpets in place? Kind of like tent pegs?

"We're out of carpet spikes, do you have carpet spikes?"

I was at a complete loss. What the f. was she talking about? I shook my head. "I don't think so."

After a moment or so I added: "Honestly, I don't even know what that is. What are carpet spikes?"

She looked at me as if I had said something really stupid. I noticed she was wearing rubber gloves. That put her in the fast food department. Or janitorial. But neither made any sense, neither of them would have use for carpet spikes, in fact, there isn't one single fucking carpet in the entire store!

"Carpet spikes! You must have carpet spikes!" she insisted.

"Carpet spikes?" I said, somewhat lamely.

And then suddenly she saw something behind me, and went past me to the corner where I keep my marking room garbage bags.
And she bent down and took some.

"Ah!" I said. "Garbage bags! Of course I have garbage bags." Garbage bags? Carpet spikes? Garbit bikes? Carpage Spags? I hurried to apologize: "I'm sorry, I didn't understand you right."

She didn't seem to intent to leave me some garbage bags, so I added: "But don't take them all!"

She laughed, took most of them and left.

Garbage bags. That's what she'd said. Yet it sounded like carpet spikes.

I guess that's what can happen when local slang meets a foreign ear.