Routine & Country

The internet was down this morning, which disrupted my morning routine. I like my routines. I am helpless if I can't follow my routines. Routinewise this morning was terrible. First my alarm didn't go off. So I am laying there in bed, waiting for the alarm to go off, and it doesn't. Very bad. When I finally realize what's going on, I'm 13 minutes late. Imagine that, 13 minutes! Minor disruptions like this cause major disruptions later, like preparing breakfast in a hurry, which could lead to mistakes, which could lead to decreased breakfast pleasure... And then no internet! I had to spend my routine 30 internet-minutes, which are usually filled with email-checking, chess-move-making and news-scanning, on the couch, doing nothing but staring at the wall.

I like routines.

Example: Morning routine:

7:10 AM: Alarm goes off. Time to get up. Time to get dressed.

7:15-7:35 AM: Prepare breakfast: Boil egg, cook oatmeal, set table, make tea, turn on computer and radio etc.

7:35-8:05 AM: Breakfast. Have conversation with wife.

8:05-8:10 AM: Clear table etc.

8:10-8:40 AM: Internet time.

8:40-8:45 AM: Put on work clothes.

8:45 AM: Go to work.

Oh, work: Today I come to work and someone has set the radio station to the "The Highway". That's a station which exclusively plays NEW-Country. Imagine a small town, with an old hound... I'm a little more country than that. But the guy sings it a little weird, I guess because he's soooo country he puts a lot of emphasis on the word country, so it sounds more like I'm a little more CUNT-ry than that. Or this other guy who sings about working on his truck and seeing how fast cars can go, because that's how country boys roll. And his puts in this yodel-sound, which I believe is a characteristic part of the genre, whenever an oh-sound is sung, they yoooodel it out, even carrying it over to the next word, like that's hooo-yodel-ow coooou-yodel-ntry boys roll; not unlike that weird voice-altering sound effect made popular by for example Cher.
Anyway, new country is a genre designed for a very small and special group of people, basically truck-driving, mullet-sporting rednecks, who like to drink. At least that's how the singers describe themselves, for example through singing lines that tell us about liking rain, because it's water, and water makes corn grow, and corn makes whisky, and whisky makes his babe a little frisky.
Lines like this make me barf into my shoes.
If they only played some old country, too, nice story-telling country music, like that song about Joe and his truck, and Joe helps out this woman who has a flat tire, but Joe doesn't accept money for his help, even though he could use it to fix his roof: and the woman drives on and stops at a roadhouse to have a meal, served by a very friendly waitress, so the woman gives all that money Joe hadn't taken to the waitress as a tip, and in the end it turns out the waitress is Joe's wife and they can fix their roof now, because what goes around comes around.
I like nice stories like this, but all these new-country-fuckers do is sing about owning trucks and drinking beer and living in suburbia and going to church, cliché after cliché after cliché, and while listening all you can do is imagine them performing on stage being all happy for a crowd that's identifying with every word they say, grinning stupidly but proudly, and everybody is jumping up and down celebrating their own simplicity; and that thought usually frightens me, I have to shake it off like a bad dream, the mere idea that these people one day stand up and overrun the country and rule and turn us all into one happy brainwashed new-country crowd.
Shudder. Barf. Shudder.
At noon I couldn't take it anymore and I went to the office and changed the station to "Classic Vinyl". Classic rock all day. I love CCR.